プレス発表文 (14 例目) 東京ゲームショーに VR (仮想現実) HDR (ヘッドマウントディスプレイ) を展示
Immerex Made impressive Debut at Tokyo Game Show 2016
VR Head-mounted display Immerex VRG-9020 and VR Camera VRS-7000 made a public appearance at this year's Tokyo Game Show and received unanimous praise.
Ariadne's Thread Japan Co.,Ltd is pleased to announce that their major product Immerex, the VR head-mounted display was exhibited at Tokyo Game Show(TGS) 2016 which ran from September 15th to 18th at Makuhari Messe in Chiba City, just outside Tokyo.
In this year's TGS, newly established VR area was one of the main attractions for the visitors. Alongside the VR devices produced by game developer giants, such as SONY, Microsoft or Samsung, the next generation head-mounted display (HMD), Immerex VRG-9020 was presented in front of the enthusiastic game lovers for the third time after this year's successful showcase at E3(Electronic Entertainment Expo, Los Angeles) and ChinaJoy(Shanghai),
One of the most attractive features of Immerex VRG-9020 is an "all-in-one" mobile device. The perfect integration of HMD and MediaBox makes this VR device ultra portable and you can enjoy VR anytime, anywhere without physical limits. The style-conscious VRG-9020 is extremely thin with a width of 34mm and a weight of approximately 200g- making it feel "zero" weight and comfortable to wear. VRG-9020 has also realized the resolution as high as 1080p.
Also presented at this Tokyo Game Show was the VR camera VRS-7000, for the very first time in Japan. VRS-7000 is equipped with three cameras and can take 4K resolution super high vision panoramic videos.
The functions like WDR(wide dynamic range) or DSS(dynamic slow shutter) enable users to take professional quality videos. Also with no connecting wires or cables, the VRS-7000’s compact design and built-in battery allow users to shoot VR videos more easily and comfortably.
Through its 4G signal, videos are automatically transmitted in real-time then output the seamless panoramic images. Automatic post-processing technology makes the shooting even simpler and user-friendly.
In order to correspond to the Japanese market strategy, and to appreciate the country's superiority in resources, Immerex has set up its own specialized shooting and technical teams and creates high-quality contents from various fields such as human studies, science, history, geography, technology.
At this launch, visitors were offered rare occasions to try and experience a part of Immerex's extensive VR contents including cinemas and games.
Immerex strives to improve VR system further and create more polyphyletic contents for a brand new and independent parallel virtual world that can fulfill both consumer's and developer's needs. Immerex hopes to provide consumers with a deeper sense of satisfaction and happiness beyond sensory experience.
決算に必要な書類についての催促
I understand your waiting for communication from the Australian Taxation Office.
I will relay this to President N of G company as well.
However, G company's accounting process is currently progressing so we are not in a condition of being able to wait for the documents to be delivered after a long time.
Do you know around what time you will be able to get your hands on the documents?
Just in case, as the portion for North America and Canada, I will attach the documents handed to G company from the North America office.
G company asks to receive the same type of documents.
I know you are busy but we ask for your continuing cooperation.
-- 上記の元になっている日本語 --
Australian Taxation Office からの連絡を待っている旨了解しました。
Ｇ社のＮ社長にもその旨お伝えしておきます。
しかし、今まさにＧ社の決算手続きが進行中であるため、長きに渡って書類が届きのを待つ事を出来る状況ではないようです。実際何時頃書類が入手できそうか解りますか？
念の為、北米とカナダ分として北米オフィスからＧ社に渡している書類を添付します。
同様な書類の入手をＧ社は求めています。
お忙しい中とは思いますが、引き続きのご協力よろしくお願いします。
プレス発表文 (13 例目) タイでLINE ビジネスコネクトを活用した顧客コミュニケーションサービス
transcosmos Launches “Omni-Channel Support Powered By LINE Business Connect”, a Customer Communication Service Utilizing LINE Business Connect, in Thailand
Offers the service through transcosmos Thailand
transcosmos inc. launches a customer communication service in Thailand, utilizing LINE Business Connect, a service offered by LINE Corporation (Headquarters: Tokyo, Japan; President and CEO: Takeshi Idezawa; hereafter, LINE).
LINE boasts the top share in Thailand’s messaging tool market, with its usage rate surpassing 80% of smartphone users in Thailand (according to transcosmos research). Tapping into this significant user base, LINE is expected to act as a messaging tool which realizes communication between business and consumers, going beyond the traditional tool used only among the consumers.
transcosmos, through its subsidiary transcosmos (Thailand) Co., Ltd. (Headquarters: Bangkok, Thailand; Managing Director: Kiyonori Takechi, hereafter, transcosmos Thailand), offers “Omni-Channel Support powered by LINE Business Connect" in Thailand, a service which realizes interactive communication between businesses and their customers via LINE Business Connect.
transcosmos was among the first to develop a platform which utilizes LINE Business Connect, allowing the businesses to run one-to-one marketing campaigns. Having implemented the service to its various client companies, transcosmos owns extensive proven records and experiences in utilizing LINE for business purposes. Now, capitalizing on its diverse knowledge and experience, transcosmos expand its LINE Business Connect-based services in Thailand.
- transcosmos is a trademark or registered trademark of transcosmos inc. in Japan and other countries.
- Other company names and product or service names used here are trademarks or registered trademarks of respective companies.
- LINE Business Connect is one of the services offered by LINE Corporation for businesses which provide them with various functions of LINE account via API, enabling the businesses to customize those functions according to their objectives. “LINE Business Connect” allows the businesses to deliver optimized messages to a specific target audience, in addition to sending one-way message to LINE users from the traditional official business account. Furthermore, upon obtaining prior consent from the users, businesses can leverage LINE Business Connect as a Customer Relationship Management (CRM) tool and/or business solutions tool, going beyond the limit of the messaging tool, by linking LINE account to their existing database or to their internal system. LINE does not retain any customer data owned by the businesses that link with the LINE account.
「ネイティブによる添削」の添削
とあるブログで「ネイティブによるこなれた表現」として添削例が紹介されていた。あまり文法知識のない「ネイティブ」が添削したものようのなので、それを再添削してみた。ホームページでも同内容を載せています。
その （１）
・「事実を民衆に公開する」
(原文) open the fact to the public
(修正後) release the fact to the public
（再修正案）
made the fact open (to the public) または
disclosed the fact
open を生かした方が原案の意図に近くなると思う。open は to the public の意味を含んでいるので、特に強調したい場合を除いて to the public なしでも問題ない。release というと「用意されていた資料を発表した」というニュアンスになる。「隠し事を公開した」の意味を込めたいなら disclosed the fact にし、単なる「公開」なら made open の方が自然と思う。
・「事実を小出しに公表する」
(原文) open the facts little by little
(修正後) reveal the facts little by little
（再修正案）
made the fact open little by little または
disclosed the fact little by little
上記と同様。(修正後) の reveal は「隠している人とは別の人が秘密を暴く」の意味なので、原文の意図とは異なってしまう。
・「アイスクリーム製品を回収する」
(原文) collect ice cream products
(修正後) recall ice cream products
（再修正案）
recall thier ice cream
products が必要なのか疑問。「アイスクリーム製品」と言うと「アイスクリームと、アイスクリーム加工品」のように聞こえるが、実際は原文の意図も「アイスクリーム」ではないのか。従って、例えば Meiji had to recall their ice cream. のように言えばよいのでは。
・「原因と経緯」
(原文) the causes and history
(修正後) the causes and method by which the situation was handled
（再修正案）
its causes and history of events
method by which the situation was handled というと、(原因と）問題状況の処理方法 (問題の状況がどのように処理されたか）という意味になり、また method was と単数で過去形のため、1 つの手段で一度にすべてを処理したことになる。どうせなら、the causes and how the situations have been handled のように複数と現在完了形を使い、「これまで処理されてきた」という意味を表現すべきではないだろうか。再修正案は原案の意図に近ずけたつもり。events の代わりに trouble events または troubles でもよいかもしれない。
・「3か月ぶりに(3か月の中断の後)」
(原文) after 3 months’ suspension
(修正後) after a 3 month suspension
（再修正案）
after three months of no operation
suspension は「公式な停止」の意味であり、しかもその場合は不可算名詞なので (修正後) は変であり、また 3 month と数字を使っているのもおかしい。（再修正案）は原文の意図を「生産が中断した」と解釈している。
・「生産ラインが通常に戻る」
(原文) the manufacturing lines were returned to normal
(修正後) the manufacturing lines returned to normal
（再修正案）
the operation of the assembly lines returned to normal
line が normal に戻る (line returns to normal) という表現があるのか疑問。manufacturing lines も assembly lines (組み立てライン) または production lines (製造ライン) の方が一般的では。
その （2）
・「(会社が事業の)許可を取る」
(原文) gain a license
(修正後) acquire a license
（再修正案）
(the company) obtained the permission for the business
acquire a license というと (例えば他社の特許や権利を)「取得する」という意味であり、事業許可を「とる」とはニュアンスが異なる。「事業許可を得る」の意味では permission の方が適切と思う。文脈によっては「事業を許可された」という意味で the company has been permitted (allowed) to operate in the area などにした方がよいかもしれない。
・「損失を出す路線は大胆に廃止されている」
(原文) Loss-making routes have been drastically abolished.
(修正後) Loss-making routes have been abolished in dramatic numbers.
（再修正案）
Loss-making routes have been discontinued regardless of the area. または
Loss-making routes have been drastically withdrawn from service.
dramatic number という表現があるのか疑問。dramatically in number ならば考えられるが、路線廃止に dramatically (劇的) という表現は不似合いと思う。 abolish は制度などを廃止する場合の単語なので不適切。再修正案の最初は「大胆」を「地域によらず」と解釈している。文脈によっては regardless of their history とか regardless of their importance などの方がよいかもしれない。2 番目はネットで見つけた表現なのだが、(少なくとも管理人には) withdraw を使いこなすのは難しそうだ。
・「交通手段」
(原文) transportations
(修正後) transportation modes
（再修正案）
a means of transportation
transportation modes は「輸送形態」の意味であり、不自然。
・「50万人以上の人口」（数字の書き方）
(原文) populations greater than 500 thousand
(修正後) populations greater than 500,000
（再修正案）
a population of more than five hundred thousand
populations とは言わないし、こうした場合の数字はスペルアウトする方が普通と思う。
・「段階の世代の人たちは車を運転できない年齢になる」
(原文) Baby boomers will be too old to drive a car.
(修正後) Baby boomers will be too old to drive cars.
（再修正案）
Baby boomers will be too old to drive.
(修正後) で問題はないが、drive が「車を運転する」という意味を含むので、cars はない方がよいと思う。
・「老人が運転免許証を返却する」
(原文) Elderly people return their driver’s license.
(修正後) Elderly people return their driver’s licenses.
（再修正案）
Elderly drivers return their licenses.
細かいが、老人全員が免許を持っているわけではないので、「免許を持っている老人」を表現した方が適切と思う。
・「老齢ドライバーは年々ますます多くの交通事故を起こすようになっている」
(原文) Elderly drivers cause more and more car accidents year by year.
(修正後) Elderly drivers cause more and more car accidents year after year.
（再修正案）
More and more elderly drivers cause accidents every year. または
The number of accidents caused by elderly drivers has been increasing year by year.
(修正後) では、同じ老人たちが繰り返し事故を起こすように読めてしまう。また、year after year は「例年どおり」の意味なので、その意味からも (修正後) はおかしい。drivers が起こす「事故」は必然的に「交通事故」なので accidents に car は不要と思う。
ERP 展開についての打ち合わせ報告
Regarding specific deployment in the future.
(1) We confirmed the necessity of discussion with IBM regarding the setup for respective group members, training towards whole group members and the publication of manual documents before introducing ERP to group members of Company A.
I mentioned that ERP is one of cloud service, and everyone should be aware that it costs respectively.
(2) Regarding the comprehensive contract, Company A or Company B will address it, or the necessity of continued discussion is confirmed.
As a result, I think the impression of Company A against IBM has been much improved because the support of IBM towards Company A has been dramatically improved.
-- 上記の元になっている日本語 --
今後の具体的な展開について
（１）A社グループ各社へのＥＲＰの導入に当たり、各社ごとの設定や、グループ全体での研修やマニュアル作成等について、ＩＢＭと協議する必要性を確認した。
私は、ＥＲＰはクラウドサービスであり、夫々にコストが発生する事を認識すべきであると言及した。
（２）包括的な契約は、A社、または、B社本社が実施するか、今後、検討する必要が確認された。
結論的には、ＩＢＭのA社に対する対応が改善されていることから、A社のＩＢＭに対する印象が格段に良くなったと私は思う。
プレス発表文 (12 例目) ビデオチャット導入支援について
transcosmos Launches Video Chat Service
Offers digital communication via video chat with a view to deliver highly sophisticated, concierge-style customer communication.
transcosmos inc. launches a WebRTC video chat service after signing an agency agreement for “Moshi Moshi Interactive”, a WebRTC customer service solution provided by NEURONET Inc. (Headquarters: Tokyo, Japan; Founder & CEO: Hirofumi Maekawa; hereafter, Neuronet). The service is one of transcosmos’s initiatives to deliver highly sophisticated, concierge-style customer communication at its contact centers.
Many companies are now facing the challenge to improve customer engagement more than ever before. To achieve the goal, they expect the service quality in call centers to act as concierges, same as the face-to-face sales and in-store customer service. It is critical for businesses to provide highly advanced and sophisticated contact center service in addition to enhance web-based customer support to serve diversified customers, such as foreign visitors to Japan. As one of the solutions to meet their expectations, transcosmos releases implementation and operational support for video chat service. The service delivers two-ways, visual customer support through sharing images and videos via a screen, while supporting customers face-to-face in various occasions.
transcosmos plans to expand the service to 100 seats by 2018, moving towards digital communication services that integrate the cutting-edge digital technology and sophisticated communication skills.
■Key features of Moshi Moshi Interactive
- WebRTC customer support solutions via video, voice and text chat
- One-click connection from website to a contact center live operator best suited for each customer. Face-to-face customer service via screen
- Face-to-face customer support while providing co-browsing capability which supports sharing documents, images and videos among multiple users to offer highly personalized and customer friendly service
- Operator supports data entry for customers
- Customers can access the service via PC, smartphone and tablet terminals
- Contact center management function to support customers effectively (assign the best operator based on the customer needs, save operators’ communication log)
- Initial cost: starts from 100 thousand yen
- Monthly charge: starts from 36 thousand yen
■ Service examples
Technical support, e-commerce shopping support, consultation service for financial instruments, counseling service for cosmetics and other products, remote support by certified operators for finance, travel, beauty, medicine, nursery care and other industries, concierge service for membership, multi-language support for foreign visitors to Japan and etc.
薬品リストについての問い合わせメール
I am now confirming with the pharmaceutical corporation if there is any document which I can hand to you regarding the topic.
We could import the additive with the document which I handed to you before for the other factory in Vietnam before.
I got the list from you, but in case of Japan, we only have the list describing the prohibited drugs contrary to Vietnam.
Also, we are quite embarrassed with the rapid increase of the price regarding the item price.
We cannot report to the retail shops because we would lose the deal if we tell about raise of price to them. We have no idea what to do about this.
Please make shipment not on September 15th, but as soon as possible in order to be in time for our plan. Also please make reservation for air ticket, accommodations, and the interpreter.
-- 上記の元になっている日本語 --
その件について貴方に他に渡せる書類があるか？
薬品会社に聞いています
ベトナムの他の工場でも以前貴方に渡した書類で輸入が出来ています
貴方からリストをもらいましたが、日本はベトナムと反対で使用したら駄目なリストしかありません
あと商品価格につきまして私達は急な値上げに困惑しています
販売先にも値上げを言うと取引きが無くなる為報告が出来ません。私達は対応に困っています。
商品の出荷日も間に合わない為9/15ではなく。なるべく早急にお願いします。飛行機券.ホテル・通訳の予約をお願いします
=================
以下は各文についてのコメント。
I am now confirming with the pharmaceutical corporation if there is any document which I can hand to you regarding the topic.
「・・であることを確認する」という意味で confirm that ... という言い方はするが、confirm ... if という言い方はしないのでは。which の部分は that を使う方が普通であり、またわざわざ書く必要もなく、通常は省略する。hand to you は「実際に手渡す」という意味であり、この場合の「あなたに送る」「あなたに提出する」という意味合いには不適切。
We could import the additive with the document which I handed to you before for the other factory in Vietnam before.
日本語原文のニュアンスから additive (添加物) でも問題なさそうだが、実際の「薬物」の内容によっては preservative (食品用防腐剤)、lubricant (潤滑剤)、coloring (発色剤) などを使う必要があるかもしれない。handed to you については上記と同じ。before を繰り返しているのは単純ミスと思う。the other factory は「もう一方の工場」という意味なので、実際に工場が 2 カ所なら問題ないが、3 カ所以上ある場合には another factory とする必要がある。
I got the list from you, but in case of Japan, we only have the list describing the prohibited drugs contrary to Vietnam.
in case of Japan は in the case of Japan ならば正しい。the list describing では「・・を説明したリスト」という意味になってしまう。a list that lists the prohibited drugs とすれば「・・を一覧にしたリスト」という意味になるが、list と lists で重複してしまうのは避けたい。添削例を参照。contrary to は「・・に反して」という意味の「逆」であり、この場合には不適切。
Also, we are quite embarrassed with the rapid increase of the price regarding the item price.
これは苦情のはずなので rapid (急速) よりも sudden (突然) の方が適切と思う。日本語につられて price を繰り返したのかもしれないが、the sudden price increase とすれば製品の値上げであることは十分表現でき、regarding ... 等も不要になる。
We cannot report to the retail shops because we would lose the deal if we tell about raise of price to them. We have no idea what to do about this.
report は「報告する」「報道する」という意味であり、ここでいう「連絡する」というニュアンスとは異なる。retail shops は「販売先」の意味が「小売店」ならば許される (retail stores の方が普通) が、一般的な販売先の場合には不適切。We have no idea ... は「苦情」の文としては弱すぎる。
Please make shipment not on September 15th, but as soon as possible in order to be in time for our plan.
「出荷を行う」のようなニュアンスの make shipment ではなく、単純に動詞の ship を使うべきだろう。in order to be in time for our plan と be 動詞を使うと「私たちの計画に間に合っている」のように「状態」の意味が強調されてしまうので、in order for us to keep our schedule のように一般動詞を使った方がよいと思う。
Also please make reservation for air ticket, accommodations, and the interpreter.
予約する対象は航空券、ホテル、通訳と複数なので reservation は reservations と複数にする必要がある。また、the interpreter と the をつけると「あの通訳」という意味になってしまう。
=================
以下は添削例
We are asking the drug company if there is any other document we can give to you.
We did not have any problem with the document we gave you before when we imported the drug for another factory in Vietnam.
We received your list, but in Japan, unlike in Vietnam, we only have a list for items that are not allowed to use.
Also, we have to complain about the sudden price increases.
We cannot tell the price increases to the customers we are selling to, because, if we tell them, they will stop buying from us. We are in serious trouble.
As for the shipping date, please ship them as soon as possible, instead of on September 15th, so that we can keep our schedule. Also, please make reservations for a flight, hotel, and interpreter.
プレス発表文 (11 例目) 自動識別型 画像フィルタリングシステム
まず原文から。 (こちらでも原文と添削例を対照できます。)
E-Guardian Inc. and University of Tokyo Started Collaboration to Research “Auto Picture Filtering Systems” Technology
E-Guardian Inc. (Tokyo) and the University of Tokyo started collaborating on research in the field of "Auto Picture Filtering Systems" in order to advance the big date analysis for enhanced internet safety
========
E-Guardian Inc. [listed on Stock Exchange of Tokyo Mothers](http://www.e-guardian.co.jp/ head office,Minato-ku, Tokyo CEO：Takatani)have started an industry-academic collaboration for the purpose of researching the technology called “Auto Picture Filtering Systems” together with department of Mechano-Informatics at Graduate School of Information Science & Technology of the National University of Tokyo,(Main campus：Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo, the university president is Junichi Harada, the program lead is Professor Tatsuya Harada, (http://www.mi.t.u-tokyo.ac.jp/)
These days, the number of pictures and movies posted by both users and companies is increasing rapidly as the use of internet media, especially smart phones with cameras, has risen dramatically.
Likewise, the number of picture and movie platform services have become popular, driving up the amount of distribution channels facilitating these services.
Additionally, in Japan people are growing more and more interested in the safety of the web content itself. For example, child pornography has become an important object of public concern. In fact the Japanese government is drafting the new law (bill submitted to parliament No. 183)which is to state that every internet provider has responsibility to for protect children from sexual exploitation on the internet.
However, unlike text, the ability to monitor pictures and movies for its contents is currently not well supported by systems. As such there is a need for monitoring each image by manpower. Monitoring by manpower is of course accurate but it drives up cost.
Therefore, there are high expectations for the"Auto Picture Filtering Systems"technology because it both enables the ability to scale up the monitoring of numerous of data content as well as reduce cost.
As such, E-Guardian which aims to be worldwide internet patrolling company and the University of Tokyo plan to collaborate leveraging E-Guardian’s many years of experience in monitoring and huge amount of ‘training data’(1)as well as the world leading “Picture recognition Systems” developed by Harada’s research laboratory at University of Tokyo.
(The training data is to be learned as 'practice data', which is used to develop the recognition and monitoring systems. During the training sessions the system is double checked visually by manned operation so amendments can be made accordingly.)
The plan is that E-Guardian develops these types of custom made filtering systems tailored to the requirements of companies and government institutes, and continuously improves the technology further over time leveraging the industry-academic collaboration. It is projected at this stage that the outcome of the research leads to at least 2/3 cost reduction while yielding the same results compared with 100% visual monitoring by manpower.
=================
全体として、説明の流れ自体はわかりやすく、個々の文に文法上の誤りも少ないが、肝心の「何を開発するのか」「まったく新規の開発なのか、それとも既存技術を応用したシステムを開発するのか」「(大学との) 新たな共同作業なのか、それとも既存の協力の強化なのか」 という点が曖昧であり、説得力に欠けている。要点を簡潔に言う努力を避け、むしろ冗長な表現で要点をぼかしているようにさえ思える。以下は原文を再掲しながらのコメント。最初は表題と副題から。
E-Guardian Inc. and University of Tokyo Started Collaboration to Research “Auto Picture Filtering Systems” Technology
E-Guardian Inc. (Tokyo) and the University of Tokyo started collaborating on research in the field of "Auto Picture Filtering Systems" in order to advance the big date analysis for enhanced internet safety
「東京大学」の英語表記は The University of Tokyo なのだが、プレス発表で正式名を使わないのは致命的誤り。Started Collaboration to Research は「共同研究」のつもりかもしれないが、全体を読むと「共同研究」ではなく、既存の研究技術を基に新たなシステムの開発を始めたようなので、そのことを明確に言うべきだろう。また、Filtering Systems と複数にしているが、実際に開発するシステムは 1 つと思えるので、単数の方が適切のはず。さらに、Filtering Systems Technology と言っているが、「技術」を開発するのではなく、「システム」を開発するはずなので、Technology は不要。
サブ見出しの advance the big date analysis は「分析を前に進める」と読めてしまう。また internet safety と「安全性」を言っているが、実際にはコンテンツが適切なものかどうかを判断するシステムのようなので、safety よりも legitimacy などを使った方が本来は適切と思う。ただし見出しとしては internet safety の方が適切かもしれない。internet は先頭大文字で Internet とした方が無難と思う。
続いて本文。
E-Guardian Inc. [listed on Stock Exchange of Tokyo Mothers](http://www.e-guardian.co.jp/ head office,Minato-ku, Tokyo CEO：Takatani)have started an industry-academic collaboration for the purpose of researching the technology called “Auto Picture Filtering Systems” together with department of Mechano-Informatics at Graduate School of Information Science & Technology of the National University of Tokyo,(Main campus：Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo, the university president is Junichi Harada, the program lead is Professor Tatsuya Harada, (http://www.mi.t.u-tokyo.ac.jp/)
最も重要な最初の一文に「上場」や URL、所在地などを入れた理由が理解できない。これらは発表文の最後に About ... のようにまとめるのが普通であり、その方がはるかに記事も読みやすくなる。こうした修飾部分が多すぎ、しかも for the purpose of など冗長な表現を使っている (for のみで十分) ため、肝心の発表内容が非常に読み取りにくい。「東京大学」の英語表記が不適切なことも問題だが、表題での表記とも違っているため、読む人は必ずしも同じ「東京大学」と認識してくれないおそれもある。
These days, the number of pictures and movies posted by both users and companies is increasing rapidly as the use of internet media, especially smart phones with cameras, has risen dramatically.
内容を読めば最近のことを言っているのは自明なので These days は不要。user は individuals (個人) のつもりだろうか。誰が投稿した内容なのかを後から取り上げるのでない限り、誰が投稿したかは重要ではないはずなので、この部分も不要。後半は use ... has risen という文になっているが、use が rise することはあり得ないのでは。
Likewise, the number of picture and movie platform services have become popular, driving up the amount of distribution channels facilitating these services.
主語と述語の関係が number... have become popular となっており、変である。その次も、channel が可算名詞であるにもかかわらず amount of ... channels となっている。
Additionally, in Japan people are growing more and more interested in the safety of the web content itself. For example, child pornography has become an important object of public concern. In fact the Japanese government is drafting the new law (bill submitted to parliament No. 183)which is to state that every internet provider has responsibility to for protect children from sexual exploitation on the internet.
ネットのコンテンツが適切かどうか懸念するのは日本人のみではないので、in Japan は不要と思う。interested は「関心・興味を持つ」であり、「懸念」とは違う。ここでは、上で書いたように safety を legitimacy などにすべきだろう。has become an important object of public concern は has become a major public concern などとすれば簡潔で読みやすくなる。日本の「国会」には parliament を使わず、diet を使うのが原則のはず。
However, unlike text, the ability to monitor pictures and movies for its contents is currently not well supported by systems. As such there is a need for monitoring each image by manpower. Monitoring by manpower is of course accurate but it drives up cost.
unlike text で始めたら、pictures and movies ... と続けるのが自然。「能力がサポートされていない」という書き方もおかしい。there is a need では「需要がある」という意味になってしまう。
Therefore, there are high expectations for the"Auto Picture Filtering Systems"technology because it both enables the ability to scale up the monitoring of numerous of data content as well as reduce cost.
「期待が高まっている」とでも言いたいらしいが、それならば because や both を使うのではなく、technology that will scale up the data monitoring and reduce the cost at the same time などとすべきだろう。
As such, E-Guardian which aims to be worldwide internet patrolling company and the University of Tokyo plan to collaborate leveraging E-Guardian’s many years of experience in monitoring and huge amount of ‘training data’(1)as well as the world leading “Picture recognition Systems” developed by Harada’s research laboratory at University of Tokyo.
(The training data is to be learned as 'practice data', which is used to develop the recognition and monitoring systems. During the training sessions the system is double checked visually by manned operation so amendments can be made accordingly.)
この部分は本来、「そのため当社は・・・をします」と具体的な内容を明示する部分のはずだが、この原文では肝心の要点がよくわからない。仕方がないので添削例は「既存の世界的技術を基に、共同でシステムを開発する」という趣旨の文にしてある。原文の ( ) で囲まれた段落は「当社データを使用してシステムを学習させる」と言っているのだと思うが、添削例ではその前の段落と一緒にまとめてある。
The plan is that E-Guardian develops these types of custom made filtering systems tailored to the requirements of companies and government institutes, and continuously improves the technology further over time leveraging the industry-academic collaboration. It is projected at this stage that the outcome of the research leads to at least 2/3 cost reduction while yielding the same results compared with 100% visual monitoring by manpower.
この部分も肝心な点が意味不明で困る。原文は「顧客ごとにカスタマイズしたシステムを開発する」と読めるが、それでは顧客ごとにいくつも別システムを開発することになってしまう。添削例では、「カスタマイズ可能な 1 つのシステムを開発する」という趣旨にしてある。原文で言う「少なくとも 2/3 のコストダウン」は「現状よりも 2/3 下がる」のか「現状の 2/3 に下がるのか」曖昧だが、添削例では「すべて目視で監視する場合よりも少なくとも 60% 下がる」としてある。
=================
以下は添削例
E-Guardian Inc. and The University of Tokyo jointly develop Auto Picture Filtering System
E-Guardian Inc. and The University of Tokyo collaborate on Auto Picture Filtering System for big data analysis and Internet safety
========
E-Guard Inc. started a project with a department of The University of Tokyo on an automatic picture filtering system for the Web. The project is part of the company's collaboration with academics in the field of Web technologies. The department, Mechano-Informatics at Graduate School of Information Science & Technology, has been developing the picture filtering technology under the lead professor, Tatsuya Harada (http://www.mi.t.u-tokyo.ac.jp/).
With a drastic increase of Internet devices, especially smart phones with camera, the number of pictures and movies posted on the Web is increasing exponentially. Similarly, the number of platform services for pictures and movies is increasing, broadening distribution channels.
At the same time, people are getting more aware of the legitimacy of the Web content. As an example, child pornography is becoming a major public concern. The Japanese government is drafting a new law submitted to the 183rd diet session that makes every Internet provider responsible for protecting children from sexual exploitation on the Internet.
Unfortunately, unlike texts, pictures and movies are not easy for current systems to adequately watch, and thus need to be manually watched. The manual work is more accurate, but costs more.
There is a strong need for an automatic filtering system for pictures and movies. As it will be an automatic system, it can watch significantly larger amount of data than the current level and drastically reduce cost at the same time.
With the goal of being a worldwide Internet patrolling company, E-Guardian leverages its many years of experience in Web monitoring and huge amount of data obtained and will build a new filtering system through a collaboration with The University of Tokyo. The new system will be based on the world-leading “picture recognition system" developed by the professor Harada's lab and will be fed the company's data for "training." While the system undergoes the "training," operators manually check the results to improve the accuracy of the system.
E-Guardian plans to develop the system to be easily customizable to each requirement of companies and/or government institutions through ongoing cooperation with academics including the professor Yamada's lab. The system is expected to reduce the content-monitoring cost by at least 60% compared with all-manual operation while yielding the same result.
プレス発表文 (10 例目) サムライ写真サービス
ABC, Inc. officially announces to open "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in this August 2016 following the successful project Samurai photo in this spring 2016.
We would like to give a real and authentic cultural opportunity to foreign tourist. So, We have a special plan only for foreign tourist in Asakusa limited. It is for Foreign tourist monitor plan.
The price is reduced to 30,000 yen from 36,000 yen(for 2 persons) of Standard plan (both tax not inclusive).
ABC, Inc. has been providing educational services to business communities in Japan for the last 60 years. We provide various external educational programs to corporates for their employees.
The samurai armors the studio will offer are authentic ones that are used in the TV dramas of NHK, Japan's public broadcaster. The photos they take are "Art Photo" with professional lights and atmosphere that are different from ordinary touristic photos.
The third SAMURAI experience photo event, Samurai Studio opens in Asakusa, Tokyo for 3 weeks. Thereafter, the studio will be opened in other regional cities in Japan, and will have a place in collaboration with corporations or seasonal events, or in other countries' global events. Our unique SAMURAI EXPERIENCE is offered to those looking for the REAL SAMURAI experience beyond the 'cosplay' often seen in the street as a manga character.
What is SAMURAI STUDIO?
1. Professional and artistic photo shoots wearing our original Samurai armor with swords
■Limited time only studio in Tokyo area (several times a year)
■Limited-term SAMURAI STUDIO during regional festivals and events
■Planning and implementing ABC, Inc. SAMURAI culture events
VENUE OF SAMURAI STUDIO IN ASAKUSA
Date: Friday, July 22 to Monday, August 15, 2016 (opens everyday)
Time: 10:00 to 19:00 (Last Order 6:30 p.m./one person. or 6:15 p.m. /two persons)
Place: MMM GALLERY 2F 1-2-3, Somewhere, Tokyo
【Asakusa Limited Special corse】
Course: Foreign tourist monitor corse【Asakusa limited】and Standard course and Premium course (Optional services are available)
Price: 15,000 - 42,000 yen, excluding tax.
Reservation: http://www.samurai.com/ *Reservation is required.
2. Samurai Studio offers our customers the following benefits:
-Higher quality and art-level portrait more suitable as a great gift or interior decor for the life time comparing to those commonly seen in the costume photo shoots:
-Dressing service in the gorgeous Real Samurai Armor fully handmade by craftsman in Japan;
-Three choices of SAMURAI ARMOR: 1) Sanada Yukimura (Samurai,1567-1615) style; 2) Date Masamune (Samuarai,1567-1636) style; and 3) Ooyoroi (the one worn originally by Samurai riding on the horse) style; -Pleasure to become Samurai step by step through understanding the culture of Samurai and the thorough dressing SAMUARAI Armor by professionals; -Exclusive and stylish posing photo shoots by our experienced senior professional photographers unlike other ordinary studios (Premium course).
=================
以下は原文についてのコメント。
そもそも Samurai Studio とは何なのか、今回の発表は何がポイントなのか、という基本情報が曖昧という、悪文の典型のような発表文と思う。各文も、ほとんどが意味不明。あまりにひどいので、大きく気になる点のみを指摘しておく。
ABC, Inc. officially announces to open "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in this August 2016 following the successful project Samurai photo in this spring 2016.
以前から噂されていたの内容を正式に発表するのなら officially announces で間違いないが、どうやら単に「発表する」だけのようなので、officially は不要ではないか。successful project は実際にはプロジェクトではなく、「以前開催した (開設した？) Samurai Studio に続き」という意味と思えるので、単に success のみでよいと思う。
We would like to give a real and authentic ... の段落
ここまでに Samurai Studio とは何かの説明がされていないため、special plan の何がお得なのかを把握できない。
ABC, Inc. has been providing ... の段落
ここで会社の紹介をする意図が理解できない。また、この前の段落と次のThe third SAMURAI ... という段落とのつながりが途切れてしまう結果にもなっている。会社の説明は最後にそれとなく書いた方が印象がよいのでは。
samurai armors the studio will offer の段落
ここも Samurai Studio とは何かの説明がないままのため、何が素晴らしいのかわからない。
What is SAMURAI STUDIO? 以下
1. Professional and ... と 2. Samurai Studio offers の間に今回のイベントに限っての説明が挿入されており、さらに ■Planning and implementing ABC, Inc. SAMURAI culture events など、まったく意味不明の文が並んでいるため、なおさら Samurai Studio とは何かを理解しにくくなっている。
以下の添削例では、読み取れる範囲で原文の趣旨を生かしながら、構成も各文の表現も変えてある。
=================
Following the success this spring, ABC, Inc. announces the opening of "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in Asakusa, Tokyo in August 2016. Although the Studio is a short time event, it will surely give visitors to Japan real and authentic cultural experiences.
What is Samurai Studio?
Samurai Studio is a professional and artistic photo shoot with the "model" poses wearing a Samurai armor and swords. The armors are fully handmade, very realistic ones that are actually used in Japanese TV dramas of NHK, a public broadcaster. Unlike ordinary costume photos, the photos in Samurai Studio are taken in a studio quality with perfect lighting and background. Professional dressers and assistants help the "model" step by step to wear the armor and to learn the Samurai spirit and culture. Three types of armors are available for posing: the one worn by Sanada Yukimura (1567-1615); the one worn by Date Masamune (1567-1636); and Ooyoroi, the one worn by samurai when they ride a horse.
ABC, Inc. has opened Samurai Studio a couple of times in the past, as limited-time events. The scheduled Studio this August is the third one in its history. It will be open in Asakusa, Tokyo for three weeks to foreign tourists in Japan. Thereafter, it will be open several times a year in Tokyo, as well as in other cities in Japan, either as independent events or as part of regional festivals. For those looking for real Samurai experiences beyond 'cosplay' (to dress in costume as a manga (comic) character), it offers an ideal opportunity that should never be missed.
Details of Samurai Studio this time:
Hours: 10:00 am through 7:00 pm
(last entry: 6:30 pm for one, 6:15 pm for two persons)
Days: Friday, July 22nd through Monday, August 15th (open everyday)
Address: ABC Gallery, 2F 1-2-3 Somewhere, Tokyo
Prices: 15,000 - 42,000 yen, excluding sales tax
(promotional pricing of 30,000 yen is available for two persons)
Reservation: http://www.samurai.com
ABC, Inc. has been providing educational services to Japanese business communities for 60 years. Our programs help corporates to grow through educating their employees.
悪質な落札者への返品要求メール
Hello,
This is an unopened, brand new figure.
Overall, it is with thin layer of paint. The outer box can be damaged such as scratch or dent in transit.
Such damage is due to the handling by workers at an airport and/or customs, and should be within acceptable level of the international mail service, based on the observation from the photo.
I have noticed that you demanded refunds from all of other sellers in the same manner and repeatedly threatened them with negative feedback especially for damaged boxes.
For this reason, I request you return the product.
Please send it back to the address below.
A return shipping cost, $25, which is the same amount when the product was sent to you, will be refunded to you after I receive the product.<
-- 上記の元になっている日本語 --
こんにちは
新品未開封のフィギアです
ペイントのカスレ等はすべてにあります
また配送途中で外箱に傷やへこみが付く場合があります
それは空港や税関等で人の手を介して行われる行為であり
写真で見たところ国際郵便の許される範囲です。
あなたは最近、他のセラーにも同等の行為で返金をすべて要求しており、 特に箱にダメージがある、ネガティブフィードバックなどで脅す行為を多数行っているため、私は返品を要求します。下記のアドレスまで宜しくお願いします。
返送費は２５ドル同等で、商品到着後返金いたします
=================
以下は各文についてのコメント。
This is an unopened, brand new figure.
Overall, it is with thin layer of paint. The outer box can be damaged such as scratch or dent in transit.
日本語が「未開封のフィギュア」だからといって unopened ... figure としてしまうのは不適切。「すべてにあります」は「フィギュア全体にある」ではなく「どんなフィギュアにもあるもの」と解釈すべきだと思う。thin layer of paint では「塗装による薄い層」という意味になる。最後の文は The box can have damages such as scratches or dents caused during transit のようにしたらどうか。
Such damage is due to the handling by workers at an airport and/or customs, and should be within acceptable level of the international mail service, based on the observation from the photo.
前半は悪くはないが、damage is は damages are と複数形にした方がよいし、空港は出発地と到着地で最低 2 カ所あるはずなので airports とすべきだろう。should be は should be regarded as within ... のようにしないと、「・・のレベルであるべきだ」という意味になってしまう。based on ... は based on my observation of the photo とでもすれば改善されるが、不自然な堅苦しさは変わりそうもない。
I have noticed that you demanded refunds from all of other sellers in the same manner and repeatedly threatened them with negative feedback especially for damaged boxes.
この書き方なら、demanded ではなく demand と現在形にした方が「常習犯」を強調できると思う。all of の of は不要では。repeatedly threatened them は同じ人を繰り返し脅しているようにも読めてしまうし、「返金要求」と「脅し」の両方を繰り返していることを表現できていない。日本語原文の「フィードバック」は英語で言う feedback ではなく、「売り手に対する評価、コメント」と解釈すべきではないかと思う。
For this reason, I request you return the product.
Please send it back to the address below.
間違ってはいないが、ここでは強い要求を表現したいので request では弱すぎるし、request を使うにしても request you to return the product のようにする必要がある。
A return shipping cost, $25, which is the same amount when the product was sent to you, will be refunded to you after I receive the product.
上記は「返送費の 25 ドルを返金する」というニュアンスだが、「返送費として 25 ドルを返金する」というニュアンスにした方が適切であり、$25 は 25 dollars とスペルアウトした方が適切と思う。same amount when ... は「あなたに送付したときは同額だった」という意味になってしまう。will be refunded は受動態なので誰が返金するのか曖昧になる、あくまでも「私が返金してやる」という能動態にすべきだろう。また、receive は習慣的動作や一般的事実を表す現在形よりも have received という完了形にした方が「受け取った後で」という意味を強調できると思う。
=================
以下は添削例
Hello,
It is a brand new figure. Its box has never been opened.
Uneven paint or similar defects are uncommon and can be found on any figure. Also, the box can have dents or be damaged during shipment, due to various human work involved at airports and customs. Judging from the picture, the damages on the box are well within the tolerated level for a product that has been shipped via international postal mail.
I found that you kept demanding refund to all other sellers with similar reasons, insisting the damages on the boxes or by threatening them with nasty comments.
So, I demand you to return the figure back to the address below.
I will refund you 25 dollars for the return shipment, the same amount as the one for the original shipment to you, after I have received the product.
