プレス発表文 (10 例目) サムライ写真サービス
まず原文から。 (こちらでも原文と添削例を対照できます。)
ABC, Inc. officially announces to open "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in this August 2016 following the successful project Samurai photo in this spring 2016.
We would like to give a real and authentic cultural opportunity to foreign tourist. So, We have a special plan only for foreign tourist in Asakusa limited. It is for Foreign tourist monitor plan.
The price is reduced to 30,000 yen from 36,000 yen(for 2 persons) of Standard plan (both tax not inclusive).
ABC, Inc. has been providing educational services to business communities in Japan for the last 60 years. We provide various external educational programs to corporates for their employees.
The samurai armors the studio will offer are authentic ones that are used in the TV dramas of NHK, Japan's public broadcaster. The photos they take are "Art Photo" with professional lights and atmosphere that are different from ordinary touristic photos.
The third SAMURAI experience photo event, Samurai Studio opens in Asakusa, Tokyo for 3 weeks. Thereafter, the studio will be opened in other regional cities in Japan, and will have a place in collaboration with corporations or seasonal events, or in other countries' global events. Our unique SAMURAI EXPERIENCE is offered to those looking for the REAL SAMURAI experience beyond the 'cosplay' often seen in the street as a manga character.
What is SAMURAI STUDIO?
1. Professional and artistic photo shoots wearing our original Samurai armor with swords
■Limited time only studio in Tokyo area (several times a year)
■Limited-term SAMURAI STUDIO during regional festivals and events
■Planning and implementing ABC, Inc. SAMURAI culture events
VENUE OF SAMURAI STUDIO IN ASAKUSA
Date: Friday, July 22 to Monday, August 15, 2016 (opens everyday)
Time: 10:00 to 19:00 (Last Order 6:30 p.m./one person. or 6:15 p.m. /two persons)
Place: MMM GALLERY 2F 1-2-3, Somewhere, Tokyo
【Asakusa Limited Special corse】
Course: Foreign tourist monitor corse【Asakusa limited】and Standard course and Premium course (Optional services are available)
Price: 15,000 - 42,000 yen, excluding tax.
Reservation: http://www.samurai.com/ *Reservation is required.
2. Samurai Studio offers our customers the following benefits:
-Higher quality and art-level portrait more suitable as a great gift or interior decor for the life time comparing to those commonly seen in the costume photo shoots:
-Dressing service in the gorgeous Real Samurai Armor fully handmade by craftsman in Japan;
-Three choices of SAMURAI ARMOR: 1) Sanada Yukimura (Samurai,1567-1615) style; 2) Date Masamune (Samuarai,1567-1636) style; and 3) Ooyoroi (the one worn originally by Samurai riding on the horse) style; -Pleasure to become Samurai step by step through understanding the culture of Samurai and the thorough dressing SAMUARAI Armor by professionals; -Exclusive and stylish posing photo shoots by our experienced senior professional photographers unlike other ordinary studios (Premium course).
=================
以下は原文についてのコメント。
そもそも Samurai Studio とは何なのか、今回の発表は何がポイントなのか、という基本情報が曖昧という、悪文の典型のような発表文と思う。各文も、ほとんどが意味不明。あまりにひどいので、大きく気になる点のみを指摘しておく。
ABC, Inc. officially announces to open "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in this August 2016 following the successful project Samurai photo in this spring 2016.
以前から噂されていたの内容を正式に発表するのなら officially announces で間違いないが、どうやら単に「発表する」だけのようなので、officially は不要ではないか。successful project は実際にはプロジェクトではなく、「以前開催した (開設した？) Samurai Studio に続き」という意味と思えるので、単に success のみでよいと思う。
We would like to give a real and authentic ... の段落
ここまでに Samurai Studio とは何かの説明がされていないため、special plan の何がお得なのかを把握できない。
ABC, Inc. has been providing ... の段落
ここで会社の紹介をする意図が理解できない。また、この前の段落と次のThe third SAMURAI ... という段落とのつながりが途切れてしまう結果にもなっている。会社の説明は最後にそれとなく書いた方が印象がよいのでは。
samurai armors the studio will offer の段落
ここも Samurai Studio とは何かの説明がないままのため、何が素晴らしいのかわからない。
What is SAMURAI STUDIO? 以下
1. Professional and ... と 2. Samurai Studio offers の間に今回のイベントに限っての説明が挿入されており、さらに ■Planning and implementing ABC, Inc. SAMURAI culture events など、まったく意味不明の文が並んでいるため、なおさら Samurai Studio とは何かを理解しにくくなっている。
以下の添削例では、読み取れる範囲で原文の趣旨を生かしながら、構成も各文の表現も変えてある。
=================
Following the success this spring, ABC, Inc. announces the opening of "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in Asakusa, Tokyo in August 2016. Although the Studio is a short time event, it will surely give visitors to Japan real and authentic cultural experiences.
What is Samurai Studio?
Samurai Studio is a professional and artistic photo shoot with the "model" poses wearing a Samurai armor and swords. The armors are fully handmade, very realistic ones that are actually used in Japanese TV dramas of NHK, a public broadcaster. Unlike ordinary costume photos, the photos in Samurai Studio are taken in a studio quality with perfect lighting and background. Professional dressers and assistants help the "model" step by step to wear the armor and to learn the Samurai spirit and culture. Three types of armors are available for posing: the one worn by Sanada Yukimura (1567-1615); the one worn by Date Masamune (1567-1636); and Ooyoroi, the one worn by samurai when they ride a horse.
ABC, Inc. has opened Samurai Studio a couple of times in the past, as limited-time events. The scheduled Studio this August is the third one in its history. It will be open in Asakusa, Tokyo for three weeks to foreign tourists in Japan. Thereafter, it will be open several times a year in Tokyo, as well as in other cities in Japan, either as independent events or as part of regional festivals. For those looking for real Samurai experiences beyond 'cosplay' (to dress in costume as a manga (comic) character), it offers an ideal opportunity that should never be missed.
Details of Samurai Studio this time:
Hours: 10:00 am through 7:00 pm
(last entry: 6:30 pm for one, 6:15 pm for two persons)
Days: Friday, July 22nd through Monday, August 15th (open everyday)
Address: ABC Gallery, 2F 1-2-3 Somewhere, Tokyo
Prices: 15,000 - 42,000 yen, excluding sales tax
(promotional pricing of 30,000 yen is available for two persons)
Reservation: http://www.samurai.com
ABC, Inc. has been providing educational services to Japanese business communities for 60 years. Our programs help corporates to grow through educating their employees.
ABC, Inc. officially announces to open "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in this August 2016 following the successful project Samurai photo in this spring 2016.
We would like to give a real and authentic cultural opportunity to foreign tourist. So, We have a special plan only for foreign tourist in Asakusa limited. It is for Foreign tourist monitor plan.
The price is reduced to 30,000 yen from 36,000 yen(for 2 persons) of Standard plan (both tax not inclusive).
ABC, Inc. has been providing educational services to business communities in Japan for the last 60 years. We provide various external educational programs to corporates for their employees.
The samurai armors the studio will offer are authentic ones that are used in the TV dramas of NHK, Japan's public broadcaster. The photos they take are "Art Photo" with professional lights and atmosphere that are different from ordinary touristic photos.
The third SAMURAI experience photo event, Samurai Studio opens in Asakusa, Tokyo for 3 weeks. Thereafter, the studio will be opened in other regional cities in Japan, and will have a place in collaboration with corporations or seasonal events, or in other countries' global events. Our unique SAMURAI EXPERIENCE is offered to those looking for the REAL SAMURAI experience beyond the 'cosplay' often seen in the street as a manga character.
What is SAMURAI STUDIO?
1. Professional and artistic photo shoots wearing our original Samurai armor with swords
■Limited time only studio in Tokyo area (several times a year)
■Limited-term SAMURAI STUDIO during regional festivals and events
■Planning and implementing ABC, Inc. SAMURAI culture events
VENUE OF SAMURAI STUDIO IN ASAKUSA
Date: Friday, July 22 to Monday, August 15, 2016 (opens everyday)
Time: 10:00 to 19:00 (Last Order 6:30 p.m./one person. or 6:15 p.m. /two persons)
Place: MMM GALLERY 2F 1-2-3, Somewhere, Tokyo
【Asakusa Limited Special corse】
Course: Foreign tourist monitor corse【Asakusa limited】and Standard course and Premium course (Optional services are available)
Price: 15,000 - 42,000 yen, excluding tax.
Reservation: http://www.samurai.com/ *Reservation is required.
2. Samurai Studio offers our customers the following benefits:
-Higher quality and art-level portrait more suitable as a great gift or interior decor for the life time comparing to those commonly seen in the costume photo shoots:
-Dressing service in the gorgeous Real Samurai Armor fully handmade by craftsman in Japan;
-Three choices of SAMURAI ARMOR: 1) Sanada Yukimura (Samurai,1567-1615) style; 2) Date Masamune (Samuarai,1567-1636) style; and 3) Ooyoroi (the one worn originally by Samurai riding on the horse) style; -Pleasure to become Samurai step by step through understanding the culture of Samurai and the thorough dressing SAMUARAI Armor by professionals; -Exclusive and stylish posing photo shoots by our experienced senior professional photographers unlike other ordinary studios (Premium course).
=================
以下は原文についてのコメント。
そもそも Samurai Studio とは何なのか、今回の発表は何がポイントなのか、という基本情報が曖昧という、悪文の典型のような発表文と思う。各文も、ほとんどが意味不明。あまりにひどいので、大きく気になる点のみを指摘しておく。
ABC, Inc. officially announces to open "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in this August 2016 following the successful project Samurai photo in this spring 2016.
以前から噂されていたの内容を正式に発表するのなら officially announces で間違いないが、どうやら単に「発表する」だけのようなので、officially は不要ではないか。successful project は実際にはプロジェクトではなく、「以前開催した (開設した？) Samurai Studio に続き」という意味と思えるので、単に success のみでよいと思う。
We would like to give a real and authentic ... の段落
ここまでに Samurai Studio とは何かの説明がされていないため、special plan の何がお得なのかを把握できない。
ABC, Inc. has been providing ... の段落
ここで会社の紹介をする意図が理解できない。また、この前の段落と次のThe third SAMURAI ... という段落とのつながりが途切れてしまう結果にもなっている。会社の説明は最後にそれとなく書いた方が印象がよいのでは。
samurai armors the studio will offer の段落
ここも Samurai Studio とは何かの説明がないままのため、何が素晴らしいのかわからない。
What is SAMURAI STUDIO? 以下
1. Professional and ... と 2. Samurai Studio offers の間に今回のイベントに限っての説明が挿入されており、さらに ■Planning and implementing ABC, Inc. SAMURAI culture events など、まったく意味不明の文が並んでいるため、なおさら Samurai Studio とは何かを理解しにくくなっている。
以下の添削例では、読み取れる範囲で原文の趣旨を生かしながら、構成も各文の表現も変えてある。
=================
Following the success this spring, ABC, Inc. announces the opening of "Samurai Studio" for a limited time in Asakusa, Tokyo in August 2016. Although the Studio is a short time event, it will surely give visitors to Japan real and authentic cultural experiences.
What is Samurai Studio?
Samurai Studio is a professional and artistic photo shoot with the "model" poses wearing a Samurai armor and swords. The armors are fully handmade, very realistic ones that are actually used in Japanese TV dramas of NHK, a public broadcaster. Unlike ordinary costume photos, the photos in Samurai Studio are taken in a studio quality with perfect lighting and background. Professional dressers and assistants help the "model" step by step to wear the armor and to learn the Samurai spirit and culture. Three types of armors are available for posing: the one worn by Sanada Yukimura (1567-1615); the one worn by Date Masamune (1567-1636); and Ooyoroi, the one worn by samurai when they ride a horse.
ABC, Inc. has opened Samurai Studio a couple of times in the past, as limited-time events. The scheduled Studio this August is the third one in its history. It will be open in Asakusa, Tokyo for three weeks to foreign tourists in Japan. Thereafter, it will be open several times a year in Tokyo, as well as in other cities in Japan, either as independent events or as part of regional festivals. For those looking for real Samurai experiences beyond 'cosplay' (to dress in costume as a manga (comic) character), it offers an ideal opportunity that should never be missed.
Details of Samurai Studio this time:
Hours: 10:00 am through 7:00 pm
(last entry: 6:30 pm for one, 6:15 pm for two persons)
Days: Friday, July 22nd through Monday, August 15th (open everyday)
Address: ABC Gallery, 2F 1-2-3 Somewhere, Tokyo
Prices: 15,000 - 42,000 yen, excluding sales tax
(promotional pricing of 30,000 yen is available for two persons)
Reservation: http://www.samurai.com
ABC, Inc. has been providing educational services to Japanese business communities for 60 years. Our programs help corporates to grow through educating their employees.
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